Turns out Science is finally coming close to identifying the bizarre germ which has turned unlucky Aussie pop nightingale Kylie Minogue into ?the sexiest woman on earth?. The pint-sized popstar is now completely unable to stop herself becoming an unlikely global sex symbol, following several tabloid reports which identified an excess of the stuff coming off her in ever-increasing waves.

?Kylie is now a recognised sex hazard,? say toxicologists. ?She?s venting sex from at least ten different areas and that can hardly be good for anyone. The sex coming off her arse alone is enough to power a factory. There simply aren?t enough people in the world to absorb this much sexuality and she may have to be shut down somehow if this worrying trend continues.?

Kylie has been advised to ?flaunt it? as best she can in the hope that some of the excess sex can be put to constructive use but so far, the cure has only caused more problems.

?We?ve done everything we can but frankly she?s burning too much sex and there seems to be nothing anyone can do about it. She?s using up a whole lifetime?s worth of sex in just a few years. At this rate there?s a very good chance that no-one will find her sexy at all in about eight years time...It?s Deborah Harry all over again and science can only watch in anguish as another innocent woman succumbs.?

Pray for Kylie.